I love my married friends (in case they are still reading) and I even love my pregnant friends (seriously stop reading), but I have serious issues with my Mommy and Daddy friends (told you).
Let me first explain that I love kids. Not like a little bit of love - hard core more than anything else, love love love kids.
But not because I see them as tiny human beings. Because I see them as portable entertainment centers.
This is absolutely 110% true. But mommies will never admit it.
Little kids, after they pass the three months mark (otherwise known as that time they sleep and have no facial expressions), and up until the point that they enter the double digits (not even teens. Ten year olds and up suck.), seem to exist solely for their partents entertainment factor.
Sure they are expensive and annoying and eat everything in sights. But they are really funny.
A primary example of this was exhibited today during my lunchtime break. I sat at a local coffee shop with a coworker and the conversation was starting to sound like incessant humming in my mind, when all of a sudden, as though by cosmic destiny, a mother and child (looking like a giant cotton candy stick) sat down between my table and the table of an old man in a wheelchair.
Excuse me sir. But can I have a ride after you
And like an explosion I immediately zero-ed in on this little girl for the rest of my lunch break during which she continued to entertain me.
At the end of lunch, without warning, and without telling my boyfriend who would probably have a heartattack, I decided that I want one too!
I’m not going to jump the gun this minute.
But I want a little kid. I really do.
And not to make an impact on the world, receive unconditional love, know what it’s like to grow a person inside me, start a family, or for any of those typical reason.
I want a kid because they have no filters and are really fucking funny.
Design by Simon Fletcher. Powered by Tumblr.
© Copyright 2010
